Vanilla Ice, aka Rob Van Winkle, admits that he’s not a ballroom dancer – “I’m a break dancer. I know the old school,” he says, breaking into an impromptu pop and lock situation in the massive master suite in the Manalapan home he renovated for DIY Network’s “The Vanilla Ice Project” a few years back.
Alas, there is no official “Breakin’ 2: Electric Boogaloo” night on ABC’s “Dancing With The Stars,” on which Wellington’s favorite rapper/home renovator finds himself a contestant next month. So, at a press conference today, Vanilla explained that he’s relying on his base – “Hopefully they’re a lot of ‘Ninja Turtle’ fans voting,” he says. Nice, nice, baby!
Since Vanilla Ice has eleventy-three of his own reality shows, it’s high time he makes another appearance on someone else’s. The Wellington rapper/house flipper/ninja about town will be paired with professional dancer Witney Carson for the upcoming season of “Dancing With The Stars,” airing Monday, Sept. 12.
We know that Ice can dance, of course, because of this.
So how many episodes until he does this? I’m thinking it’s his first dance. I’m not putting money on it or anything. But it’s a guess.
Other exciting additions: Babyface, who wrote every song written between 1988-1999; Ryan Lochte, because Ryan Lochte; Marilu Henner, who must be good because she’s with Derek Hough and he only gets ringers, and RICK PERRY, because I have no idea why a former Texas governor is on this show but wouldn’t it be awesome if he were good? Like older man sexy beast good? WHY DO I NOW NEED RICK PERRY TO BE A SEXY BEAST OLDER MAN DANCER?
Happy National Dog Day! Meet Martinique. As you’re nervously watching to see if the tropical wave currently headed north in the Atlantic might dump rain all over your weekend plans, you could be making plans for a wave of of tropically named puppies.
Apparently the puppies were rescued, along with two mommy dogs, from a Miami farm where they were all neglected. Now, they’re all cleaned up and ready to spread a tropical wave of adorableness all over some lucky local home. Martinique, according to Furry Friends’ Karen Counts, the puppy, who has a white patch of fur on her little brown head, is “sweet as pie” and, judging from recent photos with her siblings where she clamors to be right in the middle, “likes being the center of attention.”
If you’d like to ride the storm out with Martinique, you can do so for a $250 puppy adoption fee that includes micro chip, shots and sterilization and, of course, a puppy. You can find her and other cute friends at 401 Maplewood Drive, from Tuesday-Saturday from 11 a.m. – 5 p.m. and Sunday noon-5. Adoption services are closed tomorrow so that some of Martinique’s older friends can compete in the Hang 20 Surf Dog Classic, which currently starts at 8:30 a.m., well ahead of expected bad weather. So maybe you should go today.
That’s not blasphemy – I am genuinely seeking divine guidance and wisdom as to what the heck “Bachelor In Paradise” is supposed to be, other than a skanky 15-minutes-of-fame extension to a bunch of hot, half-naked people who claim to be “looking for love.” Here’s a clue, y’all – Love doesn’t require an ointment.
But these are lessons that Vinny Ventiera, Delray Beach’s barber/DJ and recent JoJo Fletcher reject, and his other “BiP” rosetestants are going to find out. (Wellington’s Ryan Beckett hasn’t shown up yet.) Vinny’s already found love or sumpthin’ with Izzy, a person I have never seen before but who claims to have been on “The Bachelor” at some point. Girl, if you say so. But their macking wasn’t the only thing that happened last night. It certainly wasn’t the stupidest:
Chad. I don’t know if he’s the world’s most foremost rageaholic or the world’s most prolific actor. But he’s one of the more interesting parts of the show, mostly because he actually has a personality. It’s an awful, pock-marked, meat-fueled personality. And it’s gotten him kicked off. Again. He hasn’t left yet, because ABC likes when people watch their programs and Dude is ratings gold.
Chad and Lace. Vinny points out that they seem like the kind of people who like choking each other out while they have sex. He ain’t wrong.
Jubilee. I was hoping she was too good for this show. It rankles me that she’s the only woman not mentioned when the guys rattle off their list of hot girls. She’s the hottest. And she’s too good for Jared, whose facial hair still seems scared of his face.
Daniel. Chad’s Canadian buddy is worse than Chad, because Chad appears to be in on the joke. When he called a group of ladies far hotter than him “street dogs” I nearly threw something at my TV. But then I’d have had to get up off the couch and I don’t hate anyone that much.
The twins. As a twin, the “one gets a rose, they both get a rose” twist is gross. But they’ve managed to parlay this act into another TV show and I’m sitting on the couch.
Summer’s coming to a close, no matter what the thermometer says, which means looking forward to the cultural season. Around these parts, that means the announcement of the Kravis Center‘s season. And it’s a good one, with not only an impressive selection of Broadway favorites, but a varied list of rock, soul, country, crooning and Chaka Khan, who is every woman and therefore a category all of her own. Here are five I’m looking forward to:
Melissa Etheridge’s Holiday Trio, Nov. 28: I’m not sure what songs the Grammy-winning singer/songwriter and activist is going to be crooning for your Christmas spirit, but I really want her to adapt “Come To My Window” into something Yuletide-like. (“Come Through My Chimney?”)
“Dirty Dancing,” Jan. 3-8: It’s always humbling to have a project dating back to ones adolescence described as a “classic story.” (Millennials, I guarantee you that when “Taylor Swift: The Musical” happens, you’re going to take pause.) But I’ll be there, carrying a watermelon, practicing my lifts and having the “Time Of My Life.”
“Beautiful: The Carole King Musical,” Feb. 1-5: This stage tribute to one of the most prolific singer/songwriters of our time looks like an emotional and sing-along stunner. I imagine I’ll be weeping by the time “So Far Away” starts.
Chaka Khan, Feb. 18: Before Whitney, before Beyonce, before Rihanna, there was Chaka. And that billowing mane. And that voice. She’s the queen.