Septic tank disaster causes big “doo-doo” on “Vanilla Ice Project”

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Five things I learned from Saturday night’s episode of “The Vanilla Ice Project” on DIY Network, the continuing story of a rapper, a nasty outdated house on a lake, and a bunch of good-natured goofballs with power tools:

  1. Having always lived in cities, I had no personal concept of septic tanks or their importance in renovating a master bathroom like the one in this year’s house (They added 1800 sq. ft to the house!) I do know now, based on what happened in this episode, that you don’t wanna back your dump truck over one, or be downwind from it. #ickygrossicky
  2. You know that your former break dance crew member is a good friend when he agrees to dig into said run-over septic tank (which the crew calls the “Doo Doo Brown tank”) to retrieve the damaged lid and doesn’t immediately flee the premises.
  3. Even if you’re just joking about making your friend reach into the septic tank (they hired a professional), you’re not funny and you’re wrong.
  4. I do not understand why every septic cleaning service owner is not a millionaire, because you would have to pay me major bank to deal with that much poop.
  5. Vanilla Ice himself designed the house’s sunken tub, which, if it were in my house, would erase my need to ever go to leave my house again. And you can’t come in my bathroom when I’m in the tub, so I guess I’ll never see you again. So sorry. It’s been real.