Several years ago, I was given a difficult assignment that I wasn’t sure I had the stomach for – to sit in my house for several hours and watch a marathon of the “Saw” movies. “Saw,” for those of you lucky enough to have missed it, follows the wacky hijinks of Jigsaw, a self-righteous psychopath who traps people he finds undesirable in various basements, disgusting bathrooms and dungeons and gives them a choice of gross and limb-shedding tasks in order to escape (Spoiler alert: They’re really not going to get to escape.)
When I heard about escape rooms, where you’re locked in a room and have to solve puzzles to escape, I started having “Saw” flashbacks and was afraid I’d start slapping people. But our evening at Legends of Xscape in downtown West Palm Beach couldn’t have been more fun (or safe.) It’s something I’ll do again without fear of losing a limb.
Five things I learned from Saturday night’s episode of “The Vanilla Ice Project” on DIY Network, the continuing story of a rapper, a nasty outdated house on a lake, and a bunch of good-natured goofballs with power tools:
Having always lived in cities, I had no personal concept of septic tanks or their importance in renovating a master bathroom like the one in this year’s house (They added 1800 sq. ft to the house!) I do know now, based on what happened in this episode, that you don’t wanna back your dump truck over one, or be downwind from it. #ickygrossicky
You know that your former break dance crew member is a good friend when he agrees to dig into said run-over septic tank (which the crew calls the “Doo Doo Brown tank”) to retrieve the damaged lid and doesn’t immediately flee the premises.
Even if you’re just joking about making your friend reach into the septic tank (they hired a professional), you’re not funny and you’re wrong.
I do not understand why every septic cleaning service owner is not a millionaire, because you would have to pay me major bank to deal with that much poop.
Vanilla Ice himself designed the house’s sunken tub, which, if it were in my house, would erase my need to ever go to leave my house again. And you can’t come in my bathroom when I’m in the tub, so I guess I’ll never see you again. So sorry. It’s been real.
There was a group in the ’80s called Living In A Box, whose big song was “Living In A Box,” from the album “Living In A Box.” I don’t remember a lot about it, other that the chorus went “I’ma living in a box, I’ma living in a cardboard box,” which to this day I like to sometimes sing at random during awkward silences, because I’m goofy and need more hobbies.
I also know that the song randomly popped into my head during my introduction to the Figurella method, a workout based in Italy where you do Pilates-like exercises in a plastic bubble. I kept singing “I’ma working in a bubble, I’ma working in a plastic bubble,” which was probably only amusing to me. The workout, fortunately, was more clever, and seemed to be a lot more effective than my bad attempts at songwriting.
Read more about it here. And enjoy Living in a Box, by Living in a Box, from the album Living In A Box, because someone should.
He’s set to play SunFest Sunday afternoon, but Andy Grammer, of “Honey I’m Good” fame, played a brief set at the iHeartRadio Theater in West Palm Beach before that, to meet and greet fans and answer questions. Among the interesting tidbits he spilled: That he has a hard time choosing whether to go see his wife or his dog when he comes home off tour; that his “Dancing With The Stars” experience was enriched by his varsity sports background, and that “Honey I’m Good,” about refusing a drunken bar hook-up to honor your true love, “could have been written about Florida” with its myriad of drunken hook-up opportunities. He’s charming. Looking forward to seeing more.